Friday, April 2, 2010

Back for a Blogfest!

My friend and crit partner, Kelly, is hosting a blogfest today! You all know how I love the blogfests, so I've returned from my holiday just in time to participate! I hope you enjoy my first page.


I see important events as they happen. I have for as long as I can remember. I must admit that I used the knowledge to gain prestige, but I didn't fully understand that what I saw was important. Now I know what my gift means and it scares me. - From the journals of Adelycea, Bard of the King's Court.


Power pressed itself against the Second’s skin, gripping him. It was as tangible and cool as an autumn wind. The brisk wave rushed though him, pouring into every particle of his body from flesh to soul. It increased his awareness, slowed time to accentuate each rapid beat of his heart, quickened his reactions, heightened his senses in every aspect and filled him completely for the first time. He had only just caressed the Power before, now he kissed it, became one with it. It was heady and dizzying.

This was what his storage of emotion was meant to do. This was why he was a Hoarder.

All the doubts in his mind were decimated with one violent slash. He pulled his silver blades free from the sinews of his victim and wiped them clean of the blood. He held on to the Power for several moments more, relishing in the euphoria, before stifling it with emptiness. He didn't mind the numbing of his emotions that followed. It was merely one sacrifice to bring about greater ideals. Ideals that he knew, in good time, would prevail. He could be patient. He had been patient.

Inspecting his bloody hands, he knew it wouldn’t be the first time he’d have to cover them in the sticky, red substance to get what he wanted. He hoarded the pleasure that came as he stripped the body of any identifying objects just as Felic had taught him. Three years of pretending to revere the old man to get what he wanted had been well worth it. He had even taken to calling him Felic, the Fool and those who knew the second well laughed with him.

He was becoming well renowned on the streets in general. Of course, few knew who he really was and he would be taking care of those few very soon, including poor, old Felic. The man who had taught him about manipulation and subterfuge would be the next to bloody his hands, though not for some time. Others would die before Felic’s turn would come, though he would not offer the killing blow. He knew just who to hire to further that portion of his plan. Sometimes it was prudent to let others get their hands dirty.

He brushed his palms against a lily-white handkerchief and let it drop into the large keg that rested at his side. They were still stained with blood. He left a bit behind on purpose.

Shoving the body into the barrel, he rolled it to the back of the alley. The dead rich man wouldn’t be found for quite some time, but once the keeper of the pub discovered him, it wouldn’t be long before the Piks identified him, even without his crest




34 comments:

  1. Ohhh! I like this. I want to know more. Great job!

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  2. This is very intriguing. I would have read more if you posted it!

    Shelley

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  3. I love your first line. It really pulls me in and sets up the scene. Great stuff. I want to know more. :)

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  4. Good stuff, Nisa! Very intriguing world you've created.

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  5. Oh wow, so dark! It has an epic feeling already in this first page. I'd read more.

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  6. BRAVO, girl!!! OOh fantasy, paranormal and mystery all intermingled. Terrific writing!

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  7. Wow, this is loaded with intriguing ideas: the Power, Hoarders, etc. I'm drawn right in to your story world and wanting to know more.

    My favorite line: "He had only just caressed the Power before, now he kissed it, became one with it." That's so...primal and gripping. Great stuff.

    And I've missed seeing you in the blogoshpere this past month. :-)

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  8. I'll be honest and say I was a little confused. There are a lot of terms that either I'm not familiar with or something. Power, second's skin, I did understand Hoarder (sort of). This is mostly just because I don't read a lot in this genre I think.

    I really liked your descriptions and how you set up the mystery though. I would probably keep reading a while longer because it takes a few pages for my mind to settle into certain genres. I hope that makes sense?

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  9. Intriguing beginning! Makes me wonder if this is the mc, or if it's going to be an alternating pov. Nicely done.

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  10. Love the rewrites Nisa - the first line is really good. All the details are so vivid.

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  11. So well written. Great first page, Nisa. Now, where is the rest?!

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  12. Yep. Good job on the revision. I love the chapter heading too.

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  13. Powerful stuff, Nisa. It just pulled me right in - I love it! It feels like something my son would devour. :-)

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  14. I'm going to ditto Charity (for the 2nd time today!) sort of, and for the same reason. Since this isn't a genre I read, some of it's a little confusing (read: over my head, lol).

    The writing, however, is superb. And as soon as my pea-brain caught on, I'd be right inside that world! Your description is terrific.

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  15. I enjoyed the bit of the world you've created so far, and even though I had trouble connecting to the character, I don't get the feeling he's your mc. I'd keep reading to find out.

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  16. Intriquing! What happens next?

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  17. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  18. Love it. My favorite line is ...he kissed it- this guys scares me! Great job! I can't wait to see what else you've done. Thanks for participating!

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  19. Thanks, everyone!

    Laurel, aw! I really appreciate that. Thank you!

    Angie, so glad you liked that! I thought it was a great way to bring Adelycea into it earlier. Plus I've thrown her in a few other subtle places too. Hopefully, that will strengthen her part in the story.

    Charity and Tara, I'm so sorry you're confused. That is partly the point, but you don't have to wait long for some of the answers. A simple explanation about "the Power" is only a couple paragraphs down. ;) The Second is the actual title of the character. Hope that clears that up!

    Jemi and Laura, it is in an alternating POV. ;)

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  20. Wow! Totally enthralled with this world you've created. Great, great job!

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  21. He is bad - he is a bad man and I don't like him so the job is well done. I'd read on and hope he got what was coming to him preferably delivered bt the hand of Felic himself, but I'd settle for his son etc.

    You have some work still to do:

    The man who had taught him about manipulation and subterfuge would be the next to bloody his hands, though not for some time. Others would die before Felic’s turn would come, though he would not offer the killing blow. ???

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  22. Nisa, your story world completely took hold of me. Love the drama and intrigue. Terrific job! What happens next?

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  23. I love how you start right with the action. I always have a hard time starting in the middle of things but you pull it off much better than I ever could. And as someone who has read more of your work, I can tell people that you're right, you do explain things just a little further on, so readers aren't confused for long :)

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  24. Couldn't stop reading, and I wanted desperately to turn the page!

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  25. I wanted to read page two. I think an agent would have, too. And that's the goal, isn't it?

    Read my first page and see if there is a hush of magic in its shadows. Have a healing weekend, Roland

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  26. Thanks for your kind words. Three blogs? Wow, I'm impressed. Have a healing weekend, Roland

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  27. interesting that we both refer to the Power as an entity of some kind. Very dark. Great job!

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  28. I'm interested and want to read more-- This is a very intriguing start! I'm curious what kind of Power this Power is and can be put to, and I'm curious what this guy's agenda is, too.

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  29. Great start, Nisa. I'm left wondering who your MC will turn out to be. Why has he killed a rich man and who will be next? What is this power he references? Hooked!

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  30. Wow! Completely left wanting more! Good job!

    Hosting Last Line Blogfest, details on my site.

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  31. Brrrr. Murder! Chilling! I love your voice, your description. I'm curious to hear what'll happen next! :D

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  32. (Lilah--I couldn't access your site! :()

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  33. This was SUCH a great beginning. I got pulled in immediately and I felt the need to know what happens next. The imagery was excellent, especially the lily-white handkerchief stained with blood. Beautifully written.

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