She slipped from shadow to shadow, scrutinizing him as he moved between vendors, thinking she had found a prosperous one, but curious at his age and appearance. His clothes shimmered in the sunlight, as did his golden tresses of hair. He was possibly the tallest man she had ever seen, which only made him stand out more -- in a beautiful and fascinating way. At his side was strapped a large satin sack, which she assumed held coins.
A sack that large would feed my family until the next Feasting Day, if not longer. Her breath caught in her throat. Enough coins to feed my family for as long as they live. If I could just reach in and steal a handful, my younger brothers will not have to endure what I did.
Her thoughts reeled as she ducked behind trees and dodged between merchant stalls until she was standing right behind the man. With a shaky hand, she reached out.She pulled it back indignantly. Concentrate she scolded. Her mind raced as she assessed the situation. The man was inspecting a piece of cloth, haggling over its cost. Now, she thought. Her heart pounded as she smoothly untied the knot of string holding the bag's secrets and wrapped her fingers around its contents.
Ohhh- love it. Great job as always!
ReplyDeleteNisa, this scene makes me sooooo curious!! Would love to find out more.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
Shelley
I really like the tension between the interest in the man himself and the interest just in his money-- I think you do a great job executing that. I especially like the shaking hand at the end. It leaves me with the impression that she normally has no such trouble :)
ReplyDeleteThe thief whose heart is stolen--neat premise. Eager to read more!
ReplyDeleteThis is intriguing. I really like that she is stalking him--to steal his money and save her family, barely noting that he's something of a catch himself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. I wonder, does she fall in love with this man?
ReplyDeleteOh I'm intrigued! I missed this blogfest . . . though the beginning of my novel is under My Books on my blog. The love interest is introduced there. I'm just too lazy to blog about it. :D
ReplyDeleteOkay, Nisa, you've got my attention. What happens? Does she get the coins? Get caught? Fall in love with this man? You've done your job well. I want to know more!
ReplyDeleteNice! She's a practical one - wonder if she'll get the real treasure :)
ReplyDeleteA nice twist. She's a really intriguing character.
ReplyDeleteYou have drawn me in with a few simple paragraphs. I learned a lot about her motivation and would love to know how it works out.
ReplyDeleteVery nice. You have a really great set-up here, love versus money. I'd like to see how it all plays out. :)
ReplyDeleteNice change from the romantic couple scenes. Very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteI like the tension between need and fear. Doubtless, there's trouble in that purse!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Sigh..love at first sight...thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHappy v-day back at ya!
ReplyDeleteLove the excerpt. The first line drew me in.
Just realized I commented on the wrong post. The comment below was meant for this one - you must have thought I was wacked.
ReplyDeleteAw... You sure do know how to make a girl feel good! Thanks for all the lovely comments and the interest. I'm so glad I've got you curious!
ReplyDeleteElle, you could say that. ;)
Stina, that makes me laugh. I completely understand! I'll just have to go search your site then!
Laura, so glad you find her intriguing. She's my very favorite character. Shh! Don't tell the others. ;)
Jemi, practical is a good word for her.
Mary, hey, we're writers. We're all a little wacked. ;)
Great job, Nisa!! Makes me want to read on!
ReplyDeleteIt is a great scene. And lucky me, I get to read the whole book!
ReplyDeleteOh, nice! Love how she seems to be distracted by the man himself at first in her quest to gain the money. Your mc already seems so endearing. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteReally elegant writing. I enjoyed the story setting and the main character. Thanks for an excellent post!
ReplyDeleteThank you! You guys are so sweet!
ReplyDeleteOhhh. Short and sweet and left me wanting more.
ReplyDeleteYea! That's always a good thing! Thanks for the comment. :)
ReplyDelete